Love in Relationships
Today we are going to be talking about love in relationships. What does that mean, well we can talk about what love is, but how does our view of love affect the way we behave in relationships?
We are going to discuss what love means to us and what love addiction is.
It is important that we make decisions with love for ourselves and others. How do these topics distract us from valuing ourselves and how do these topics affect us from valuing others.
Listen to McKenzie's Intro about both the question "what is love?" and a conversation about love vs. fear.
We define sex and consent and the four forms of sex and talk about why sex is such a big deal. Fill out the questions as you go.
Reflect on this information. Even if this information doesn't seem new to you, what bigger ideas can you take away from this?
If today's lesson brought up any questions or comments, feel free to let us know!
Watch & Respond
Now that you have watched this video open the worksheet that best fits your schedule. Answer the first two questions before moving on to the next section.
“Who you are, what you think, feel and do, what you love — is the sum of what you focus on” — Gallagher
What were your three adjectives to describe love? There are so many words that could describe love, but the words you picked reflect what you are looking for in a relationship.
However, being in a relationships where the feeling of love reflects those words is easier said than done. For example the three adjectives I would use to describe love would be, acceptance, peace, and respect. However, I have been in relationships where I was sure I was in love, but acceptance, peace, and respect didn't exist in that relationship. I was stressed out and I felt bad about myself most of the time. Why did I stay? Well, I was experiencing a type of love, but not the love I desired. I was experiencing love addition.
What is love addition?
One school of thought is that there are three types of love one can experience in relationships, romantic, nurturing, and addictive.
Romantic is healthy love for a partner or spouse and nurturing love would be healthy love experienced in all kinds of relationships. You most likely understand those well and could describe them. Often we know what healthy love looks like, but within our relationships there is confusion.
Addictive love has its own unique characteristics, but many people confuse it for romantic or nurturing love. So lets break it down.
When you are love addicted you feel as if you couldn't live without the person. Many people desire to love someone deeply and that itself is not a bad thing, when you value you that other person over yourself, this is unhealthy. A lot of the time this feeling leads the person to put up with things they shouldn't to make sure they stay with the person. You might put up with some really unhealthy, unfair things because your full focus is on the other person. You can forget to value yourself.
Does it affect every person the same way?
Different people handle love addiction in different ways. For some the fear that that person will leave them makes them feel insecure, so their defensive is to hold that person at a distance. They want to avoid those feelings of love, but they still feel like they can't live without that person. Even if it doesn't seem that way by their discussion. This gives them the power in the relationship and in turn can make the other person want to attach more and become more involved in the relationship.
This is another reaction to love addiction. They can put all their focus on the relationship and they can become clingy. These are both ways we can act in love addiction.
Something this reminds me of is Twilight. Bella claims that she cant live without can’t breath….she will give up her life, family and friends to be with him… this is romanticizing love addiction.
Vasopressin, Oxytocin, and other calming chemicals
Sees your significant other's flaws, but understands and accepts them
Calm and relaxed in a solid relationship
Your significant other is not the single thing on your mind
Testosterone & Dopamine Adrenalin Chemicals
See's your significant other as perfect and without flaws
Stress and confusion about lack of commitment
Cannot stop thinking about your significant other
What did you learn?
We went over some stuff that might seem a bit simple, but it was about starting with a foundation. You should should be building your own healthy understanding of sex. Reflect on your own understanding of what sex means to you.
Do you have any questions or comments?